|
Tuesday, November 4th 2008
To Whom It May Concern: I've had enough of everything. There really is so many times that I can say that I am done and really mean. Today, I really am cutting it close. I'm not caring about anything any more which really just scares me. There's so much that I could live for but not even all of them combined seems all that worth it. Not my friends. Not college. Not that house on Sherwood Hall Lane that really is my dream house. Definitely not my family, I mean look at us!! My parents to me are more like my guardians and people that I mooch off of. That's all they really are now. I'm getting close to being 18 and I mean really close to being 18. Turning 18 is seriously a scary thing. I promised myself when I was 9 that I would be gone by the time I'm 20 and well that's only in a couple more years. The fine print on that promise is that I have to have something that is worth living for, worth achieving that's worth getting to 21. Yeah, sure being 21 means that I could drink but then again who really waits anymore to drink? I don't want to be here anymore. I really don't.
 |
Sunday, September 28th 2008
Once again the green eyed monster has made an appearance to me. I can't believe it. I was totally jealous. I dunno if I really should have been jealous since the little one likes another guy but then again...the way she just acts around him makes me think otherwise...I really shouldn't be jealous since I have my guy but I don't really know how long I have my guy any more. There's just a huge gap between my guy and I. I really should just let it go but at times I just can't help but be addicted to him. I guess I'm back to liking the idea of him but not really him...I'm trying to be realistic about it all since of course not all relationship lasts and well I definitely know that this one won't last. I also know that I have to be careful of what I do around him and with him. Since what he does to me and with me he'll most likely do with the next girlfriend/crush/fling he has.
Monday, September 22nd 2008
"Passion isn't just a sexual thing. It's much bigger than that. Passion is your life. What you do and how you do it. It's what pushes you and makes you successful. It's what drives people to fight for freedom, to give their lives for others, and to search for the cure for cancer. It's what makes warriors strong and princesses desirable. It's what makes your dreams a reality. Passion in the hands of a wise man or woman is the key to unlocking desitny, but passion abused is desctruction, pain and heartache." "The desire you have deep inside you can propel you to greatness or destroy your life in a single spark." " Each of us has been given a passion. The Creator has wired us with a burning desire deep within us." "Don't let your plans get distracted by the search for love. Dream big dreams and trust the Planner of the universe to bring you your big love. You have a mission. If you choose to accept it, you will soar with eagles. You will walk and not grow weary. You will run and not faint. That will last!! The relationship won't." ~ (Dateable: Are You? Are They?,The Thing Before The Thing, p.8-9)
|
Monday, September 15th 2008
So I'm definitely trying not to procrastinate when it comes to my classes but the thing is that it's not really going to happen. I can't help but to procrastinate and then I end up stressed out and pissed. Damn it. Whatever..Life is life and that's that. Besides my procrastination there's just a lot of things going on with me internally. I definitely said something about my random flashbacks well I thought that I had gotten control of them again that it won't happen so frequently but with all the outside things going on I've totally lost control again. All through lunch I had one huge flashback that seriously freaked me out. It was the flashback of where I almost drowned while holding one of my family friends kid. The kid thought that I was just playing around and so did the mother but I definitely wasn't....That day really freaked me out and snapping out of my flashbacks are really starting to hurt. I kinda bumped my knee on the table...yikes..
Sunday, September 7th 2008
Alrighty so the first week of school has just been ahhhh!!! The night before the first day I was totally up all night I couldn't sleep at all. By the time I had actually fallen asleep mom woke me up five minutes later. Totally not cool at all. Percussion Ensemble and Spanish 3 was okay but then when I got to DE Gov't I was geeking out. Yes, I did just say geeking out. Teach was okay, kinda weird and spacy but she's okay. Crazy and maybe a tad insane but then again who isn't crazy or a tad insane. She nearly took out a whole entire forest with all the papers and packets that she gave us. Oh my goodness! I have a lot of work to do for her class. I already have a paper due soon. Yikes!! Second day was Web Page Dev where we did absolutely nothing. It was soo boring and then I was late to Anatomy cause I took the foreign exchange student to her class. Anatomy teacher is totally insane but she seems like a ton of fun. Then DE English was a total bore. I can't fall asleep in her class unless I want to be marked absent and I can't afford to be absent that day. I really really really really can't. Then there's the Flex period where I cleaned the Percussion Back Storage room and I'm still not yet done cleaning it. It totally sucks. Then the second time for Flex was just a total waste of time. I don't ride the bus in the morning so I'm completely lost when it comes to riding the bus home. I totally missed it the second time I needed to go home which really really really sucks. But I did get a ride home from a friend.
|
Friday, September 5th 2008
So on and so forth the first week of school is almost over. Today is Friday. Yes it is. So that means that there is a football game tonight. Totally fun and will be an epic failure.
Sunday, August 24th 2008
I ended it completely between him and I. It's a mistake that I made. I welcome the loss and the pain once again. I don't know what I love more.... The emotional, mental and physical pain that I inflict on myself or the love I feel for my loved ones.
|
Accomplished - I am THE Ice Princess
